What is sex therapy?
When people hear I’m a Certified Sex Therapist (CST), they often ask me what I treat and what I do with clients in session. Below I hope to provide clarity around what sex therapy is, what sessions look like, and who could benefit from sex therapy, so that you can decide if it’s the right fit for you.
What is sex therapy?
According to Northwestern Medicine, “Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy or counseling, with a focus on sexual health. It can help you reconnect with yourself and your partner sexually and strengthen relationships. It can also help you understand how your sexual health impacts your life more broadly.” Of particular importance is the phrase “talk therapy.” Sex therapy is just talking–your therapist will never touch you, never do anything sexual with/in front of you, nor ask you to do anything sexual with/in front of them. Sex therapy is just talking about your relationship with sex. Depending on your situation, you may attend sex therapy individually or with your partner(s).
Your therapist may give you homework to do between sessions–some sexual in nature and some not. You and your therapist will work together to decide what would be helpful for you.
Your therapist may also want to coordinate care (with your written consent, of course) with relevant providers, which may include: OBGYNs, pelvic floor physical therapists, urologists, psychiatrists, or primary-care physicians. This can be helpful in supporting your treatment and healing, both with these other providers and with your sex therapist. Care coordination may look like: disclosing your trauma history or relevant mental health concerns so you don’t have to; collaborating with your other care providers to reduce anxiety around attending appointments or adhering to their treatment recommendations (such as physical therapy homework); or advocating for you around particular concern. You and your therapist collaborate to decide what information would be helpful for your therapist to share with your other providers.
What do sessions look like?
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Your sexual history
Your sex education
Societal, cultural, or religious messaging about sex
Current life stressors
Your physical health
Life changes
Sexual trauma
Your mental health
Your relationships
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Anatomy
Specific techniques related to your goals
Coping skills to help you regulate your emotions
Relaxation skills to help you emotionally and physically relax before and during sex
Mindfulness skills to help you stay present during sex
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Patterns, beliefs, and behaviors interfering with your goals
More helpful perspectives, beliefs, and behaviors to help you reach your goals
Who could benefit from sex therapy?
If you experience any of the following and find it distressing, you may benefit from sex therapy:
Desire discrepancy: a difference in sexual desire/libido between you and your partner(s)
Changes in your desire/libido
Pain with sex, both penetrative and non-penetrative
Have a history of sexual assault or harassment
Difficulty getting or maintaining an erection
Difficulty orgasming, or orgasming quickly
Anxiety, stress, or shame around sex (including masturbation), fantasies, kinks, or your sexual orientation
Differences between your sex assigned at birth and your gender
Your sex life interferes with other aspects of your life: relationships, work, etc.
Some folks also seek out sex therapy not because they’re distressed by their sex life, but because they want to enhance their sex life by learning more about themselves and their partners, bringing curiosity, openness, and a growth mindset to sex.