Sex Therapy
What is sex therapy?
The simple answer is: psychotherapy about sex.
In sex therapy, we’ll talk about sex and sexuality–your concerns, your desires, your beliefs. It’s all talking–as an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) I will not touch you and will not ask you to do anything sexual in session. I may suggest exercises or techniques to try at home, but these are never demands–only suggestions.
I think of our sex lives as where all of our experiences come together. So, we may discuss how your family, religion, or community views sex and how that impacts you, how past sexual experiences impact your current sex life, or how your life and any changes in it are impacting your sex life.
Sex therapy is also about exploration. We may explore your sexual or gender identity, fantasies, or kinks. We may explore pleasure: what feels good, what doesn’t, how do you know?
Experiences Covered in Sex Therapy
Low Desire/Libido & Desire Discrepancy
Sexual desire/libido ebbs and flows throughout your life. Sometimes, you may experience a drop so low that you no longer feel like yourself, perhaps you stop engaging in any sexual activity with your partner(s). There can be many causes for this, including physical, relational, and psychological, all of which we can explore together.
If you and your partner(s) have different levels of desire/libido (most do), this is called a “desire discrepancy.” Sometimes, this can lead to conflict in the relationship, but it is no one person’s fault! The issue exists because of a gap in the levels of desire. If you weren’t with each other, this “gap” would not exist.
Sex After Trauma
After a traumatic experience, your relationship with sex may change. You may not want to have sex at all. You may feel jumpy or ticklish, unable to relax. You may feel restricted, no longer free in your sexuality. You may feel shame. All of these are normal responses to trauma, and all of this can be explored in sex therapy.
Difficulty Orgasming
People of all genders can experience difficulty orgasming, but is more common in cis-women. You may experience difficulty orgasming alone, with partner(s), or both. Maybe only in certain positions. You may have never had an orgasm. All of these experiences are common, and if they are distressing to you, they can be to focus of our work.
Shame
Many people feel shame around sex. This can start from a young age, being taught to call our genitals our “junk,” “cookie,” “special parts”; being discouraged from talking about menstruation, ejaculation, and orgasm; being taught that those who have sex are “impure.” You may also feel shame around your genitalia due to unrealistic depictions of bodies in porn and in public discourse, leading you to avoid intimacy with others and lowering your sexual self-confidence. Teachings like these can be deeply internalized, and wreak havoc on our sexual self-esteem & our sex lives.
Erectile Dysfunction
Rapid Ejaculation
Gender Dysphoria
Sexual Identity Exploration
Consensual Nonmongamy/Polyamory